Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
