Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
