Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All the doctor said was why
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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