I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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