ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
