you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
