I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
