Will you blow on my dice?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
