Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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