don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
