I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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