haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
