My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
