goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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