Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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