At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
