The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
