Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
