You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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