He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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