You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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