You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
