So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
