so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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