he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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