Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
