I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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