I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
