Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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