I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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