Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
