We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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