just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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