It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want her autograph on my taint
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
