In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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