I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need water and some morals
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
