and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
