if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
