Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
