How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
