He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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