Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
