Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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