you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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