my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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