im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
