Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
These tits shall not be calmed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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