i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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