it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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