No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
