mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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