i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Idk if I want to put a bra on
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
