I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
